Dear Servant #1 (or as I like to scream at you, Mommmmmaaaa!),

As I have been crawling around the kingdom, I’ve noticed that the palace floors are not quite as clean as you seem to think they are.

Just today, for example, I found seven pieces of fuzz stuck to the carpet under various furniture.

Although these fuzzies are small like cheerios, I sent out a royal decree banning subjects from eating them in the future as they taste nothing like cheerios.

I also located a penny in the chair cushion, which was embarrassingly unpolished to be part of my vast riches.

Seeing as you and Servant #2, the one known as DaaDaa, failed to buff the penny to a shine, I took it upon myself to suck it clean, before this very aggressive character DaaDaa pried my mouth open and ripped the penny off my tongue.

In the future, I won’t tolerate this kind of mutiny.

Also, I’d like to hire some sort of cupbearer to taste the contents of my sippy cup for me. I suspect someone is watering down my juice.

Your Royal Highness,
The Emperor Justus
(10 Months Old)