Archive of ‘Anything Goes’ category

Friendship as Sacrament – More Quotes About Friendship

connection pics, compassion pics, together pics, society pics

Last week, I offered up Thursdays as a day to share some of the best musings on friendship I’ve encountered.

For the first few weeks, I’m sharing stand out quotes about friendship from Sacrament as Friendship.

If you enjoy these, I hope you’ll also check out what’s going on here the other days of the week: cultural observations about community and connectedness (Mondays), research about friendship (Tuesdays), a look at how relationship is woven through the Bible (Wednesday), and things people are currently writing that prompt a more compassionate and connected world (Friday).

Quotes About Friendship

Our human relationships, if they are based on genuine love, are necessarily bound up with our relationship with God who is love.

One of the primary ways we see and touch God is through those who he sends us. In them he is enfleshed.

God is not only a personal God who is deeply involved in each individual life, but he is also interpersonal. He not only exists in me and in you, but also between me and you, in our relatedness to one another. The love we share in human relationships is part of the grandness of a God who cradles us tenderly in his all-loving embrace. Whenever pure, selfless love is shared, we experience God.

The only way that we are able to live meaningfully within the complex web of the daily busy-ness of the world is by recognizing God especially in every face, in every pair of eyes and in every hand extended to us in charity.

Put simply, God uses our human relationships to reach us; we experience him by loving and being loved by another. God reveals himself in the real life presence of those around us. The God of all history, the God of Abraham and Sarah, the God of Moses, the God of David, the triune God is enfleshed in those we call friends.

There is often deep inner truth to many of the simple things we encounter in a relationship: a big bear hug, an understanding glance, a special letter…or even a painful confrontation. Often they are vehicles through which we grow closer to one another, and in so doing come to know God better.

If one of these quotes strikes you, I’d love for you to leave a comment telling me about it.

Photo source: crowd


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Meetups & Book Reviews


It’s raining. The grass is wet. Little dimples fill the lake. Water coats the deck and driveway with a slick, glossy finish.

The backyard is growing at mach speed.

To make up for the lack of summer outside, we’ve been painting and play-doh-ing, reading and playing so many double headers of living room kickball. And occasionally, when the rain breaks, we sneak out to kayak which is mostly our boys’ vehicle for spotting snakes, frogs, lizards, deer, crane and other wildlife neighbors.

Summer is synonymous with family here. The days are slow and long, the to-do lists are kept purposefully short. It’s a simple time when we clean, and bake, and eat and play together.

Together is one of my favorite words.

Next week, I’ll be venturing out of lake country to co-host the first of a series of meetups about disillusionment and faith related to my newly released book, Beyond the Broken Church. If you live in Michigan, and would like to join us, we’re gathering for ice cream and sunshine at a historic Jackson park.

You can find out more here.

Also, if you haven’t read The Well Balanced World Changer yet, here’s a few words from a review by blogger Suzy Oakley.



I finished a book last night that took me a few months to read – not because I’m a slow reader (although I am) or that my life is too busy (again, guilty) but because I needed to spend time reflecting on each and every chapter. And I went back and read some chapters a second time. As I said this morning on Facebook, the book is filled with encouragement, insight and wisdom – so much so that I not only read some chapters twice but I highlighted lots of passages. It’s one of the best books I’ve read in a long time.

The book – The Well-Balanced World Changer: A Field Guide for Staying Sane while Doing Good by Sarah Cunningham (see links below) – is broken into 10 sections, with several short chapters in each. Every single chapter had something profound to say to me. The author was speaking my language.

To say that the book is strictly about “changing the world” is to do it an injustice. For me, it’s more about changing myself from within, of aligning myself with God’s purposes in the world. After all, to make a better world you have to start with yourself.


Read the rest of the review here.

May you find blessing in the sunshine and rain alike.


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Parenting > Blogging

My oldest, Justus (also known as The Emperor), turned 5 on Earth Day.

While five years is a relatively short time-span, it’s nothing to sneeze at when you’re the mom of said creature. They grow old in the blink of an eye, you know. (Or if for some reason you don’t know, everyone who has ever had a kid, will tell you.)

Due to the lightning fast growth of children, I am sticking to my previously declared blogging-hiatus of sorts…posting just once a month (or so) until Justus starts kindergarten in the fall.

But there are updates to be had…

I’ve thanked-but-no-thanked every speaking engagement that has come my way lately with one super-fun exception. I will be launching the fully-illustrated hardcover version of The Donkey in the Living Room at the D6 Conference this fall.

The book which helps families celebrate the real meaning of Christmas. And it was my somewhat sporadic and almost accidental entry into children’s publishing.

Though the book was initially a self-published venture, parent friends and friends-of-friends were quick to support the project and to spread the word, which led to the book being picked up by a publisher. Where it’s going in September…still hasn’t been fully announced, but is way cooler than I ever imagined.

If you have kids in your life, or on your shopping list, I hope you’ll consider inviting them into this tradition.

Secondly, Zondervan is generously publishing an updated version of my first book, originally titled, Dear Church: Letters From a Disillusioned Generation.  The new just-released version which is called Beyond the Broken Church: How to Leave Church Problems Behind Without Leaving the Church, contains about 35% new content plus an expanded guide for church and denominational leaders in the back.

To celebrate this book, which takes an honest look at church-related struggles but invites readers to well-being beyond bitterness, I’ll be co-hosting a series of fun, casual, conversation-style meet-ups in the tri-state area. (For me, that means Michigan, Ohio, Indiana…although we may throw in some Illinois or Canada just to spice things up.)

Stay tuned for meetups to be posted next week!

In the mean time, join me in spending these long spring and summer days loving the 5-year-olds *or-whatever-age people-you-value* in your life all you can.


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Love Will Be What You Let It Be


Fuzzy blond-haired boys roll into my kitchen every day around 7:00 and proceed to order food as if they were regulars at a local breakfast dive.

More often than not, they opt for eggs, not because of taste or nutrition, but because little boys rarely get the chance to break small fragile objects or unleash gooey yellow globs…legally.

I know posting about mundane kitchen tasks like cracking eggs is choosing to memorialize a little bit of daily nothing. It doesn’t solve social injustice, it doesn’t right bad theology, it doesn’t produce landmark books or art or events.

But the substance of that moment is ripe with the sort of things that do.

Feelings of love and family. Happily embedded in moments of “home.”

My toddlers, of course, don’t know that MH370 has been declared lost, or that the U.S. is freezing Russian leaders’ assets. They don’t know that Mark Driscoll has been accused or that he apologized or that the entire Christian spectrum is up in arms about Noah or Hobby Lobby or World Vision’s hiring policies. Somehow, though, in spite of the more meta social strains, these kids are whole and well and know deep in their little cores that they’re loved.

As much as this sounds like the set-up to a mommy blogger post, let me insert here that I think the work that goes on in my kitchen every morning is the exact same work I’m drawn to everywhere else.

That, at life’s core, the challenge is always about assembling and reassembling family from the people and circumstances I find myself in. About gathering people. About loving like it matters, like it’s needed, like if we loved boldly enough it’d create more moments of “home”–where we move toward wholeness and well-being in walking this planet (despite all its strains) together.

This has been a good, full month that way.

I’ve escaped to dates at giant plastic playlands, not only to watch toddlers scurry around plastic tunnels, but to talk to the various moms perched around me. To make scattered eye contact, over toddler spills and tantrums, with Tracy–a friend I first grew accustomed to talking to while laying out high school yearbook pages or performing in spring plays 22 years ago. Or with Bethany–mother of Eli–who together with her sister Jennie, have played dozens or roles in my life over the last 15 years–roommates, fellow small group leaders, co-workers, bridesmaids–and beyond all that sisters.

There was our third annual writing retreat–a hyper-small collection of friends who hole away in a giant hunting lodge to eat and talk…and to lay the foundation for our next year of writing. All while tucked away in the icy woods.

There’s sneaking out to meet our neighbor, Jamie, from down the way to wonder aloud together about career and family and friends and personal growth…and the piles of snow that have plagued our neighborhood for far too long.

There’s the conferences that rise up like little temporary towns, gatherings of tribes returning to bits of the homeland. That bring with them the chance, for at least fleeting moments, for their attenders to be with people who spend most moments believing toward better worlds from their separate, more distant corners of this one.

There was a single, calming and orienting conversation over lobster rolls with college friend Joe and two indulgent meals with a couple of 20-something siblings who snuck into my heart as children many years ago.

There’s been family birthday parties, where little sister-in-law Jill gifted me with a healing box of chai k-cups–not because it was my birthday, but because the 18 month old had crashed and been surgically glued back together just that morning…and chai makes at least a small dent in fixing everything.

There were three straight days of March Madness, days I absorb like a recycling of Thanksgiving or Christmas, where my brothers–my real genetic, flesh-and-blood, look-like-me brothers–take up residence in our house, lugging in with them multiple TV screens and copies of NCAA brackets and food with scary amounts of preservatives. And we all lay around in sweats, just barely talking, and then heatedly talking, in cycles, as we go to great lengths to do something we could do alone…together.

And for sure, yes, there were moments of career climbing and producing, producing, producing, woven through all of these. I signed off on the back cover copy of a book that’s being re-released in April. I smiled like a little kid as a I flipped through mock-ups of a children’s book and toy that will hit the shelves in September. I plotted who knows how many campaigns to help advance who knows how many projects I believe in.

But in the end, I guess, the ordinary, bits-of-nothing moments that mean nothing to blog readers or to agents or to movers-and-shakers in this or that industry, seem just as worth telling as the others. Because as much as we try to pull the pieces of the world together through big ideas, philosophies, theology, and so-much-plotting *which clearly I do*, I am pretty sure we stir wholeness and well being just as boldly in the softer more ordinary moments. When we look at everything spiraling around us–the lost planes and Russia, Driscoll and World Vision–and we choose not to relegate our active fostering of love to meal-making with toddlers around kitchen counters.

When we extend vulnerability and belief to those who weren’t born to us, but who are bound to us by our daily experiences just the same.

When we choose to be the one who takes responsibility for loving people, whoever they are, who we find standing next to us. Not because we’re the parent, but because we believe–as deeply as any belief we hold–that the world needs more of it.

When we adamantly refuse, in the face of ongoing cycles of disappointment and accusations of idealism, to become so detached from hope that we stop being known as people of… faith.

When we decide that reality is too harsh, and society is too apathetic, that we can’t afford not to foster family wherever we go.

As adults, knowing all the dysfunctions and realities of this world that our children may sometimes be blissfully naive to, it’s so easy to become numb and emotionally afraid creatures with muted hope.  To look at the world mostly through lenses of cynicism or bitterness or loss–lenses forged and continually validated through our suffering. It’s easy to shore up around self-protection and busyness, in the determined advancement of ourselves and whatever fierce battles we wage with all things wrong.

But what awakens a sometimes sleep-walking world to feeling again, to sifting out meaning again, to moments of spiritual “home” we could live alone but we choose to live together…I think it’s choosing to extend the same sort of unapologetic, fierce, everyday love often relegated to our homes to the people who come to us outside of them.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about in March anyways.

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Making Friends in Adulthood: What’s the Trick?


In high school, you sat for hours in the same classrooms or ran the gym for hours on the same sports teams. In college, you lived in the same buildings–“dorms”–where for four years, you didn’t need to do anything but walk out the door to find yourself surrounded with friends and acquaintances.

But many people are taken by surprise how the nature of friendship can change as they age. Alex Williams recently took on this phenomena in his New York Times piece, “Why Is It Hard to Make Friends After 30?”

It was like one of those magical blind-date scenes out of a Hollywood rom-com, without the “rom.” I met Brian, a New York screenwriter, a few years ago through work, which led to dinner with our wives and friend chemistry that was instant and obvious.

We liked the same songs off Dylan’s “Blonde on Blonde,” the same lines from “Chinatown.” By the time the green curry shrimp had arrived, we were finishing each other’s sentences. Our wives were forced to cut in: “Hey, guys, want to come up for air?”

As Brian and his wife wandered off toward the No. 2 train afterward, it crossed my mind that he was the kind of guy who might have ended up a groomsman at my wedding if we had met in college.

That was four years ago. We’ve seen each other four times since. We are “friends,” but not quite friends. We keep trying to get over the hump, but life gets in the way.

Read the rest of the article here.

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Tony Campolo Retiring? I Don’t Know If I Buy It.

tony campolo retiring, retired, EAPE closing, Red Letter Christians

“Tony Campolo, a progressive evangelical leader … announced Tuesday (Jan. 14) that the organization he founded nearly 40 years ago will close on June 30.”

So began an article chronicling Tony’s step away from the organization that has been his public face for longer than I’ve been alive.

I have to admit, I receive the news with mixed feelings. I am happy that Tony may be able to move more freely in this stage of life, unencumbered by the burdens that come with administering an organization. But, too, it felt sad to see the EAPE waving goodbye. It feels like the beginning of an end of a Campolo-marked era that is coming all too soon.

Of course I, like anyone who knows Tony, was not surprised that his definition of retirement included the words “…he will continue to write and speak, with nearly 200 engagements scheduled for 2014.”

200 engagements in Tony Campolo’s retirement year? Yeah. That sounds about right.

For about five years now, I’ve had the privilege of being involved with Red Letter Christians, the organization where Tony spends most of his time now according to the article. And I have to tell you, to go from a save-the-world teenager listening to a colorful evangelist tell churches to stop buying $100,000 sound systems when people are starving…to go to sitting in a room with him every winter, to having him endorse my books…has been a beautiful, meaningful, unforgettable turn of events.

The Church should be the only club in the world that exists for the benefits of its non-members. In this book, Sarah Cunningham spells out concrete, practical ways to make that happen. Using Biblical directives she lays out how the local church can be THE CHURCH. – Tony Campolo, PhD. Eastern University

So I sit there with Tony and the others he has gathered. And we circle up to listen to him tell favorite, cherished stories that we’ve heard him tell before…about Clarence and the casket, for example. And we, many adults with our organizations and published books, are rendered grandchildren around a table listening to a patriarch tell family stories we’ve grown to love. We lean forward as if it is the first time we have heard the story, we listen intently, and we mouth the words with him, “Good night, Clarence!” as the finale of his familiar narrative breaks.

And we applaud not because we are being kind, but because something in his spirit has been planted in ours. So when he asks us to sing Joy to the World for the third time that day, we sing it as if it is the first time, because we know these requests are bits of his legacy of the hope for this planet he intends–very intentionally–to leave behind in us.

Tony Campolo is, for sure, a gust of wind at many backs, including mine.

Which is why my favorite part of the article was this:

“Too often, we old guys hang on too long and steal the spotlight from the new, bright, shining stars emerging as speakers and leaders,” Campolo said. “We keep occupying leadership without stepping aside and getting behind these speakers.”

And I just want you to know that when he says this, about stealing the spotlight, you might think it goes against the grain of the lively, attention-grabbing voice you’ve known and loved, but I want you to know that it is real.

Tony Campolo has repeatedly told me, with the kind of sincerity that brings tears to my eyes, that he wants to end well. That he wants to disperse influence to those coming up under him, to help them get the speaking engagements he once took more of, to help them find their voices in the publishing industry, to help them work together to accomplish more.

And he has put his energy behind that.

Whether the EAPE closes or not, parts of it will continue on with us. After all, I aspire to be controversial as Jesus was controversial. But I also aspire to end well as Tony Campolo is ending well.

Read the rest of the article about Tony’s retirement here.


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Introverted Extroverts or Extroverted Introverts

I can never fit myself neatly into one category. Can you?

Sometimes I feel so extroverted. I’m often one of the first people to speak up in a discussion group or team meeting. And with strangers, I’m quick to take initiative–to cross a room to introduce myself or to go out of my way to help other people meet each other.

I prioritize staying socially connected to a wide range of people. And periodically, I like to rally people to gather, to hang out, to do something.

My number one love language is quality time.

Not to mention I am a public speaker, and after a lifetime as an oldest child, pastor’s daughter and teacher, I feel at home on most stages.

But…truth be told, I’d enjoy being on a panel or doing a casual Q&A more than I’d enjoy giving a keynote. And organizing events and movements, making things happen behind the scenes, comes even more naturally to me.

Plus…even though I like to be around a lot of people all at once, I am not the life-of-the-party-type. I don’t try to claim the center space in the room, I don’t tell loud, animated stories or jokes with funny sound effects. I’m way more likely to hole away in a corner talking with one or two people, and then to move to another corner and talk to one or two more, rotating around the room all night.

And I really do have some serious introverted qualities. I could (and do) camp inside my house for days without going out. I like to seclude myself away and get lost in a book. I use the ATM machine so I don’t have to go in and make a deposit. I skip voicemails. I wait for the package delivery man to leave the parcel before going out to retrieve it.

I think a lot of us are some mix of the two. We’re extroverted introverts, or introverted extroverts. We have seasons of life and moods that bring out some qualities over others.

Even so, I enjoy reading pieces like the one below from Dr.Carmella. It sheds light on my (and your) introverted moments–whether that is a temporary or permanent state of being. And it helps us understand those who identify as fully-introverted most of the time.

Plus it’s a cartoon. Beat that.

how to introvert, introverts, introverted


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I Love You More Than My Cell Phone


smart phone addiction cell phone addiction

I love you more than my cell phone.

This is true on the days I tuck my phone away and look deep into your eyes as you talk to me. And also true on the days when, between hmmm-ing and yesss-ing, I hear-ya-ing, that I sneak a sideways glance to see whose text message just popped onto my screen.

But perhaps if more people follow this restaurant owner’s lead, in the future, there will be less of these little diversions away from the present-people I love.

Relevant Magazine is reporting that…

One restaurant owner believes that mealtime should be free from distractions like texting and compulsively checking a smart phone. Jawdat Ibrahim is so passionate about restoring an atmosphere that fosters genuine conversations that he’s offering customers a 50% discount on their meal if they turn off their phones when they enter his establishment.

It makes me sad to think that incentivizing unplugging might be part of what helps us, like the generations before us, absorb new technology into our life rhythms without being overtaken.

I appreciate the technology and the options for connectedness it brings. But I also appreciate reminders like this that remind us to let technology supplement our lives, rather than consume them.

I suspect our generation, the one who first adopted smart phones, will have to experiment with usage for some time, but I suspect–like anything–we will find a way to manage it. That smart phones will one day be lack-luster, old-news, and as ordinary as refrigerators or radios.

People nay-sayed about how TV and land-line telephones and radios and electricity would be the fall of civilization too, you know. And somehow citizens of previous eras muddled through.

I think we will too.

Read more about this restaurant here.

Photo Credit

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