While I use Facebook and Twitter almost daily, Instagram has always been a side gig. A way to upload photos to the other social networks, not a way to interact with others.

But apparently I’m missing an opportunity.

Instagram user Jean Antolini was drawn to the photos another user, @DCW805, posted. “She could make little, little things look so beautiful. That’s really someone who really focuses in the details, and she just had a lot of close-up.”

Jean and her new found friend, Dorothy, went from exchanging comments on Instagram to texting and eventually meeting in person, with no creepy sidebars. Just friendship.

Around the same time, it so happens, Jean was taking a class at the WHYY Philadelphia National Public Radio where students learned to create six-minute documentaries. She decided to make her documentary, now called My Pocket Pal about finding friendship on Instagram.

She told one news outlet, “It was just a truly a life-changing experience to meet someone who you knew their whole life story before you ever met them. There is a certain compassion when you get to know someone in depth when it’s not based on physical appearance,” Antolini said.

Read more of their story here. Or here.

What about it? What’s the likelihood you’d engage in real life meetings with someone who contacted you online?

Photo source

Things be humming.

I like Mondays. Some people might think my Monday posts are filler posts, because instead of writing myself (I’m out on the pontoon boat, people!), I link to good words on friendship, community and connection from around the interwebs.

In my family, today, we’re saying congratulations. This (to the left) is my newest niece, Emma Faith, the youngest of three sisters who was born today sometime before noon.

And here is who and what I’ve been tuning into around the net this week:

Ann Voskamp on that moment your kid ignores you for the fifth time –> A Holy Experience

Mark Sandlin on the 10 things you simply cannot do if you claim to follow Jesus –> Sojourners

10 decisions you can make to change the world –> Jim Wallis

A photographer pushes the boundaries on portraying what it’s like to be mentally ill behind bars –> Intent Blog

Two different frameworks for evaluating the negative people in my life –> Shasta Nelson

Sarah Markley on not having to be the church all by one’s self –> Deeper Story

Attention to Detail

It’s Friday again, which means it’s time to bring you some ordinary facts about what influencers are reading or watching on TV to remind you that all of us, notable or not, are quite similarly human.

Interviews thus far have included Brad Lomenick (of Catalyst) and Tim Soerens (of Inhabit), blogger Ron Edmondson and notable writer Cathleen Falsani, writer Jonathan Merritt and church leader exec Jenni Catron, conference and media influencer Scott McClellan and writer and blogger Doug Pagitt, theologian Scot McKnight and author Rebekah Lyons, writer Ed Cyzewski and conference director Ron Hunter and author Tony Jones and blogger Bruce Reyes Chow.

Today I bring you Outreach Magazine’s Brian Orme and author Kary Oberbrunner.

Brian Orme

Sarah: Brian, thanks for your willingness to this! So tell us. What are you reading?

Brian: I can never seem to settle down and read one thing. I read books in tandem. The Power of Habit, The Four-Hour Work Week, More or Less, The Snow Child, Hemingway’s Boat

Sarah: I admire people who read multiple books at once. I can’t hack it. So that’s what you’re reading. What are you listening to?

Brian: I’m loving Alt-J and the Alabama Shakes. They’ve been on steady rotation and I think I’ve played them into the ground but I still love them …  Oh, and I love Leagues.  I also do podcasts: NPR Books, Ted Talks, Stuff You Should Know

Sarah: A lot of influencers do NPR talks, I find. Let’s move to what you’re watching on TV or online.

Brian: I just finished all three seasons of Downton Abbey in about three weeks and I’m left wondering what to do now… Also, I like watching the UFC. I feel like they kind of balance each other out.

Sarah: Ha. That they do. Alright, if I snuck a look at your Google calendar, where would I see you’ve been lately?

Brian: I was in Orlando for Exponential. And also in Rwanda in May with Richard Stearns and World Vision.

Sarah: And on an average day, who might I find you with?

Brian: I share my world with my wife, Jenna. Seriously, she makes me so much of a better man and helps me understand the world from a fresh, intelligent and beautiful perspective every day.

Sarah: Ok, you must send her the link to this article. Every wife should get to hear their husband say these things. We’re down to the last question. What are you cooking?

Brian: I have a crazy diet that consists of yogurt, granola and turkey burgers. Did I say granola? So I don’t cook much. Bonus: I lost 35-40 pounds last year though. As an editor I sit at a desk all day and I needed to reverse the routine. But, here I go talking about my weight when you asked a question about cooking.

Brian is the Editor of Outreach Magazine, ChurchLeaders.com and SermonCentral.com. He works with creative and innovative people to discover the best resources, trends and stories to equip the church to lead better every day. You can also find him at BrianOrme.com.

Kary Oberbrunner

Sarah: Alright, my friend, give it to me straight. What are you reading?

Kary: I’m reading the Bible, Michael Hyatt, Chet Scott (http://www.builttolead.com), Return on Influence, Fast Company and Entrepreneur.

Sarah: Okay absolutely nothing about that list surprises me. Your bookshelf is a good reflection of you. Let’s move on to what you are listening to.

Kary: I listen to Youtube Soundtracks while I write. Inception. Tron. Lindsey Stirling.

Sarah: Wow, really? I bet there are people reading this who will start doing that too. Though if I did, I’m pretty sure I’d stop writing and get lost in the movie. So you listen to movies. Do you watch them too? What movies have you watched recently?

Kary: The men who built America. Lincoln. And movies with my kids.

Sarah: How about this. Where are you going?

Kary: To change the world.

Sarah: Whoa. Can I come? You’re the first person who gave me their ambition, rather than a physical location. Clever, clever. I know you’re surrounded by a great community, Kary. Who would I be likely to find you with?

Kary: The Your Secret Name Team and Deeper Path Team which includes David Branderhorst, Desiree Arney, Elias Kanaris, Sarah Oberbrunner, Linda Outka and some independent speakers and trainers. Also the John Maxwell team.

I love partnering with these tribes in a common vision of Igniting Souls.

Sarah: Awesome. Love to see people doing their life work hand in hand with others. Lastly, what are you cooking?

My OPUS.

Sarah: Okay, that’s not food, but I’ll let it fly. You’re definitely cooking up passion in any case. Thanks for taking the time to do this, Kary. 

Kary is the founder of Redeem the Day, which serves the business community, and Igniting Souls, which serves the non-profit community. He’s also the author of several books, a founding partner on the John Maxwell Team and family to Kelly and 3 amazing children.

Women On Women

We’re in Round 2 of Women Talk Women which has thus far featured author and activist Shayne Moore, super bloggers Sarah Bessey and Lisa-Jo Baker.

They joined a long roster of Round 1 interviewees including Ann Voskamp, Rachel Held Evans, Lauren Chandler, Sarah Markley, Kem Meyer, Lindsey Nobles, Jenni Catron, Heather Whittaker, Jena Nardella and LeeAnna Tankersley. (Go here to scroll through them all.)

Today, we’ll be checking in with Lillian Daniel. Lillian is a national speaker and writer, minister and Huffington Post blogger. She is the author of several books including Tell It Like It Is: Reclaiming the Practice of Testimony and When Spiritual But Not Religious is Not Enough.

Lillian Daniel

Sarah: Lillian, so thankful you agreed to participate. I know you’re a busy lady. I always start with the same question. Have you had an easier time building friendships with men or women?

Lillian: I’m an equal opportunity pal. But friendship is never easy or without complications, mostly because it takes work and we don’t want it to.

Sarah: Agreed. Well said. And what do you think are the challenges of both?

Lillian: The problem isn’t gender. It’s time.

Sarah: Okay let’s move to our gender. As a strong leader, you’ve probably occasionally run up against another woman who acted “catty” toward you. What do you do in this circumstances? Or, what has been the healthiest way you’ve found to dealing with this?

Lillian: Ok, I adore cats. So if I have had women who snuggle, listen to me whatever mood I’m in and let me do all the talking, and purr all the while, count me in.

But if by “catty,” you mean that gender laden word that means some mixture of spite, jealousy, put-downs and gossip…not so much.

But I actually don’t get much of that from women friends. I tend to bond with strong women who don’t act like that.

Sarah: That, in itself, may just be a very wise strategy. So not a lot of cattiness, except for the good, fuzzy kind. What about jealousy? Do you struggle with jealousy of other women?

Lillian: When they are tall.

Sarah: Ha. How do you process it?

Lillian: Stand up straighter. Wear heels. Imagine how many tailors would be deprived of work if I weren’t getting things hemmed.

Sarah: So you don’t seem to get jealous much. Why do you think you’re able to sidestep something that nags at a lot of women?

Lillian: I went to a women’s college, which was a very formative experience for me. I didn’t consciously choose a women’s college and only had one on my list. But as it turned out, Bryn Mawr was by far the best school I got into. So then I was stuck. I was headed to a seven sister’s college where fun goes to die.

There I was thrown into this feminist re-education camp. On the first day, the older students informed us we were not at a girl’s school but at a women’s college. If there was a gender angle, we were studying it. It was a bit heavy handed and we felt terribly oppressed.

But I also learned so much about how to relate to women in a serious way. Everyone you looked up to, every leader was one of us. As was every annoying person. We saw each other as complex people, rather than competitors in a superficial dating arena.

Women’s colleges are famous for graduating a disproportionate number PhD’s in male demented fields like physics and math. As a religion major with no aptitude for either, I often thought that it hadn’t helped me. Then many years after graduating, I realized that was me. I may not be a scientist, but as a Senior Minister of a large congregation, and a Christian writer, I am definitely a success in a male dominated field, i.e.: the church.

Sarah: Tell me one notable woman you respect and one not-so-well-known female friend who has shaped your life. What about them makes them the kind of person you can receive from.

Lillian: I wrote my college thesis on the counter reformation mystical nun, St Teresa of Avila. She’s still a role model of a powerful woman in a sexist system. And as a head-based Protestant, I need all the heart-centered Catholic mysticism I can get.

I think Teresa fills both the notable and the not-so-well-known categories.

Sarah: Okay, last question. And it may be predictable given your earlier comments. If you could be any animal, what would you be?

Lillian: A cat, of course. Independent, well fed, lots of attitude, takes naps on demand and puts larger barking animals in their place. What’s not to love?

Some days I really love the internet.

Today is one of those days. So many people writing so many gracious, redemptive things that stir good in this world. Here are some recent links of interest along those lines.

Larissa Willard gives ‘em Heaven –> The High Calling

Jen Hatmaker writes about denominations, divisions, labeling –> A Deeper Story

Bethany Keely-Jonker on True Empathy Amidst Awareness Overload –> Think Christian

A Ted Talk, via Momastery, on why it’s braver to be Clark Kent than Superman –> Momastery

Some slides about living and doing business in a collaborative economy from Amy Bishop –> Marketing Strategy

Ellayne Shaw on how Facebook is doing it all wrong –> Ellayne’s blog

Loving the Disabled: an Interview with Amy Julia Becker –> Jonathan Merritt

Chicago Sun Times Lays Off 28 Photographers

This week the Chicago Sun-Times (not some rinky-dink paper, the Chicago Sun Times, people) laid off 28 people including it’s entire photography department.

Yep. All the photographers.

Meet the *former* Chicago Sun Times photographer, Rob Hart

One of the pink slipped employees, Rob Hart, who claims he’s been replaced by a reporter with an iPhone is passing his time on unemployment with a new Tumblr feed, titled Laid off from the Sun-Times,” to chronicle this turn of events in his life.

If you go there, you’ll see what you’d find in most of our homes if we were suddenly spending 9-5 in our living rooms trying to figure out how to make next month’s bills. There’s a tiny makeshift home office he set up behind the washer and dryer, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and some unemployment papers serving as a pizza plate.

You’ll also see a little bit of humanity. The kind of everyday struggle impacting 354,000 Americans who sought unemployment last week. If you’re unemployed, insecurely employed or otherwise stretching between bills, Hart’s photos might give you a bit of solidarity, hope and hopefully a laugh here and there. But if your financial situation is stable for the moment, there’s of course a natural temptation to dismiss headlines and stories that don’t directly apply to you.

Spend 60 seconds on Tumblr

But here’s a suggestion for those gainfully employed: maybe go see his Tumblr blog anyways. And allow yourself 60 seconds of awareness about what someone else if facing today.

Who knows when the next day will come when the struggle being faced is ours and we’re looking for someone to grace us with a minute of encouragement or compassion?

Beyond the Building

Today is the final week in a blog series that shared 10 free activities churches can use to take first steps beyond their buildings and build relationship with their surrounding communities.

The other nine exercises are listed here plus the tenth and final exercise is included below:

What If Your Church Burned Down?, Community Stations, Would You Let Your Families Intermix, Walk a Mile In Their Shoes, What We Say In Public, Truth About Money, A Monopoly on Empathy, What Can We Control and How To Declutter Your House

Share this with your people?

Are you are a church leader, person of faith or know others who are? There’s a lot of content here others you know might be able to put to good use. Will you take a second and share the link to this post on your social networks to let church people know about these 10 FREE exercises?

Don’t Let This Be Goodbye

Sad that we’ve reached the end of this series? Remember, there are more than 20 additional exercises and a lot of extra material available in the book that inspired this series, Portable Faith.

There will also be more free materials and web content released in the Portable Faith category so feel free to stop by and grab some new ideas from time to time.

And now, onto our final free exercise.

Same City, Different Points of View

(Please note this is only a portion of a larger exercise that includes set-up and reflection beyond this segment.)

Ask a group to make use of their opinions by responding to the following statements with true or false:

1. _____ Our community is safe.

2. _____ There is ample opportunity in our community to get a job if you work hard at it.

3. _____ Residents of our community have access to acceptable quality health care.

4. _____ Our community streets and public spaces are kept clean and litter free.

5. _____ There is ample opportunity to participate in sports or physical recreation in our community.

6. _____ There is ample opportunity for entertainment in our community.

7. _____ Our community offers children a quality education.

8. _____ Our community has good paying jobs.

9. _____ Our community has an adequate amount of support services (such as police, fire, mental health services, and so on).

10. _____ Police in our community are responsive and fair.

11. _____ Judges in our community are consistent and fair.

12. _____ Residents of our community maintain their homes.

13. _____ Our community is not significantly affected by problems related to substance abuse.

14. _____ Parents in our community are responsible and nurturing.

Now ask them to reflect:

• After marking your answers, share your answers with others in the room. Are there people who live in the same community but answered questions differently from the way you did? Why? If everyone in the room is in general agreement, are there residents in the community who might disagree with all of you? Why?

•  Who would be likely to agree with number 10? Who might be likely to disagree with number 10? Why? What about number 5? Number 2?

The point of course is not for everyone to agree (which is likely impossible) or to declare any one perspective “right,” but for participants to increase our awareness that people who are raised in the same city (county, zip code, region etc.) can still emerge with very different experiences.

What about it? Do you think this would generate good discussion or spur important thinking for those in your context? What hurdles do you think people might need to overcome to comfortably participate? In what ways might the group leader have to prompt sensitivity?

A special thanks to all who have provided valuable feedback on these exercises. I appreciate the input and have gleaned many new ideas from your stories and insights.

Women On Women

We’re in Round 2 of Women Talk Women which has thus far featured author and activist Shayne Moore and award-winning blogger Sarah Bessey.

They joined a long roster of Round 1 interviewees including Ann Voskamp, Rachel Held Evans, Lauren Chandler, Sarah Markley, Kem Meyer, Lindsey Nobles, Jenni Catron, Heather Whittaker, Jena Nardella and LeeAnna Tankersley. (Go here to scroll through them all.)

I ask each of these beautiful female guests to chat with me about all things women. Jealousy. Cattiness. Bonds. The good, bad and the ugly behind all things women.

With me today is the fabulously honest queen of moms, Lisa-Jo Baker.

Sarah: Hey Lisa, thanks so much for joining me. By now you know the drill. We’re talking about all things women. And my go to first question is this: Have you had an easier time building friendships with men or women? What are the challenges of both?

Lisa-Jo:I grew up with brothers. My mom died a week after my 18th birthday. So it was my dad and my guys and boys have always been my comfort zones in many ways. But becoming a mom changed my world and taught me how desperate I am for female friends women to learn from, to go to with my panic and irrational fears, to encourage me, to teach me how to survive the hard work of raising tiny humans, to cheer for me, cry with me, be there with me.

Motherhood was a turning point for me and convinced me that I want to teach my daughter the hard, beautiful art of making girl friends. Because if we build walls around our hearts during elementary school, what hope is there for us during the minivan driving years? I wrote her a whole post about the mean girls and how I never want her to Rapunzel herself away from the world when she gets hurt, but to recognize meanness as a symptom and not a permanent condition. And that sometimes the benefit of the doubt is the best gift we can give anyone.

Sarah: Benefit of the doubt is a life skill. For sure. That’s a good transition to this next question. As a strong voice for mothers, you’ve probably occasionally run up against another woman who acted “catty” toward you. Tell us what you’ve figured out to do with that.

Lisa-Jo: This can be hard and hurtful, there’s no getting away from that. But we are called to love, to forgive, and to keep our hearts open. For me, offering the benefit of the doubt anywhere I can and corresponding privately, never publicly, has been the best way to maintaining relationship. And on the days that doesn’t work, calling my husband and going out on a lunch date with long talks and all the words I wish I could fix shared over good food can also do wonders.

I never cease to be amazed how Christ is in the business of restoring broken relationships and redeeming misunderstandings. Sometimes it takes much longer than we would like. But trusting our reputation to Him in the meantime has always been a big relief to me.

Sarah: That’s a good word. That it sometimes takes longer than we’d like. Brings the idealism down to reality. Here’s another thing that eats at a lot of women. Do you struggle with jealousy of other women? If so, what can you tell us about how that works and how you fight it?

Lisa-Jo: A couple weeks ago I was at a conference standing around chatting with several of the bloggers – old friends and new. And we got to talking about community. About walking the difficult line of cheering for our sisters and coveting what they’re doing. Many of the women turned to me and exclaimed how good I am at this encouragement thing. Like it comes naturally. Like maybe it’s easier for me. And it’s the first time I really put into words how much hard work it is. How it is always hard work to battle the lies of the enemy in order to protect our sisters. To love them and say out loud the ways we will cheer for them. Because this is a mountain I’m willing to die on – that Christ’s Kingdom is intended to be a co-op and not a competition. I’m almost fanatical about my insistence that the best antidote to jealousy is choosing instead to encourage.

Because otherwise comparisons will kick us in the teeth and hijack our dreams every time. Victims of comparison drive-bys litter the Internet. There are virtual warehouses of new ways we can find to covet our neighbor’s house, family and life these days. Nothing is as terrifying as thinking you don’t matter because you can’t do it like her.
But I think if we were to look down, look away from what we wish we had. If we would glance back at where we are, where God has purposefully, tenderly placed us, we might see in order to have rubbernecked so hard and so far we’ve been standing with high heels ground down on top of the hand painted, one-of-a-kind life art crafted for us. I write about this often because it’s a lesson I need to keep re-learning and re-remembering over and over again myself.

Sarah: Thanks for the thoughts and the links there. It sounds like you’ve closely examined your own thinking processes along these lines, which makes you a helpful guide for others. Switching gears now, can you tell me one notable woman you respect and one not-so-well-known female friend who has shaped your life? What about them makes them the kind of person you can receive from?

Lisa-Jo: Ann Voskamp has been my friend since we wrote together for (in)courage and traveled together with Compassion International to Guatemala in 2010. I love her because she is *for* women and community and the calling that Christ has woven into each of our unique lives. She is generous with her wisdom, her experience, her advice, and her friendship. She is a mentor in faith and in motherhood for me. I admire how she gives her time when I know she’s always stretched for it. How she is present and available to listen. How she always believes the best, hopes the best, cheers the loudest. She has taught me that friendship comes without strings attached and delights in the success of others, and always chooses to believe the best. She has shown me what brave looks like – because usually it comes with walking through fear first and holding tight to the hand of the Fisherman who calls us by name.

Lisa Milman is my neighbor two streets over and my friend. She is my anchor in this Internet world, calling me back by her presence and her friendship to the reminder that Christ comes in the body to meet us. That He moved into the neighborhood. And that we see Him the clearest through the tangible hands and feet and faces and play dates and late nights with the real life people He’s placed in our every days. She shows up. When my days are long or my kids are sick or I can’t drop my son at baseball practice. Lisa shows up and every time I receive this as a gift and a reminder that this is what the sisterhood can do for one another. We keep showing up in the small things and when you add them up over a lifetime they are the big, world changing things that can happen in one neighborhood between two streets.

These are the friendships that will preach to our daughters. This is the legacy we get to leave them every day in between the school lunches and sports practices. The women who model what it looks like to love other women well. Generously. With open hands and open doors and messy houses and lives and honest words and second, third, fourth chances. 

We need each other. This is the gift. This is the going first. This is the spilling our hard stories so that you know you’re not alone. This is the testimony of the brave who chose friendship in spite of fear. This is the loud voice of comparison squashed down, drowned out, overcome by a choice to love, to love, to love because Christ first loved us.

Sarah: Thanks for sharing your passion, Lisa-Jo. I’m sure more than a few women will find a little of themselves in your insights.