The Hierarchy of Preferences That Keep Us From Friendship
Each of us have a hierarchy of preferences that must be pushed through in order for us to even consider bonding with another person.
These preferences may include:
- Enjoying anonymity
- Avoiding potential awkwardness
- Protecting the way things are
- Distractedness
- Lazyness
- Busyness
- Cynicism / skepticism
- Side-stepping risk
- Wounds from previous experiences
- Fear of rejection
- General trust issues
- Arrogance or feelings of superiority
Some of us get stuck at the top of our hierarchy of preferences for years. It takes extraordinary circumstances to move us past simple hangups, like the awkwardness of an introduction or that first exchange of small talk.
Others can easily get beyond the first few levels of resistance to acquire many acquaintances, but we get hung up at a certain depth when real trust or support is required.
The good news is, when your preferences work against you (helping you choose alone-ness over community), you can edit or revise your list as you wish.
The keeper of the hierarchy is you.
So what about it?
Which items above (or others) are part of your hierarchy of preferences?
How easily do you move past them?
And where do you generally get stuck?
Which preferences lend wisdom to your friend-making, helping you exercise caution or pace yourself in a healthy way?
And which ones unhealthily numb you or prevent you from enjoying possible good between yourself and others?
In cases where you do transcend your normal hangups, what circumstances help you along?
What kind of people or what displays of friendship attract you beyond your reservations?
What does it take to get you moving toward connectedness?
What makes you feel welcome and comfortable?
And what behaviors can you adopt that help people set aside their hangups and enjoy connection to you as well?