Keeping Friends More Than 7 Years Is Rare, But Prospects Are Everywhere

Quick. Do a count. How many of your current friends have been around more than seven years?

As part of the project “Where friends are made. Contexts, Contacts, Consequences”, Utrecht University sociologist Gerald Mollenhorst, studied 1007 men and women of all ages; re-interviewing 604 of them seven years later.

His findings? In seven years, the size of the individual’s social network remained generally the same. I.e. If they had around 5-7 or 10-12 friends the first time he dipped into their lives, they reported about the same number of friendships (but not necessarily with the same people) seven years later.

Some old friendships had faded, some new ones had come into play and only 30% of the old friends remained.

This observation got Mollenhorst looking at context and opportunity. He asked questions like: Where did you get to know that person? And where do you meet that person now?

And here’s what he found. Friendships, he observed, are not just formed through choice (your taste, preferences, picky-ness). They are also largely shaped by opportunity (where you are, who else is there, how often you cross paths).

So while we may be most used to finding and pursuing friendships with like-minded, similar people, there are likely more possibilities for friendship around us than we realize. And one of the most important ingredients in bonding isn’t similarity or meeting our pre-selected criteria, but spending time together…repeatedly.

Do Mollenhorst’s findings make sense for you? Why or why not?