Would you let your families intermix with someone from this group?
You’ve said some great stuff so far.
First, to give credit where credit is due, I’ve been picking up some great ideas (and some fair push back) from the snazzy online friends who commented on the first two Portable Faith posts.
The posts, for those of you just joining us, offer snapshots from the 33 exercises in Portable Faith: Taking Church to the Community, which released at the beginning of the month. (If you want to play catch up and add your feedback to the conversation, there’s this one on What If Your Church Burned Down? and this one on Community Stations.)
(Also, there’s a fun new series on learning personal hospitality going on over here if you’re interested.)
[disclaim]A note about how these exercises work
- The first exercises in the book start with building awareness. That is, their aim is to start small by inviting reflection on the way we’ve always seen or done things.
- The exercises gradually transition into more hands-on exercises, which require actually going out and potentially stretching one’s comfort zone by visiting new locations and interacting with new people.
- The book doesn’t treat the “go out and do” experiences as the end all either. Instead, it aims at shaping awareness toward diverse people, recognizing needs in your community and prompting response to them…eventually, as a lifestyle, not an outreach “project” that has a “start” and “stop” time.
- The glimpses of the exercises you’re getting online are just a couple paragraph excerpts of larger exercises with more detail and context than these snippets provide.
Who are the exercises for?
They may be for different people depending on the context.
Individuals
Since every person is seen as part of the global church, it may make sense to engage the book as an individual. In this way we build a more outward oriented church by growing ourselves, one member at a time.
Local Congregations
But if a local church hopes to have some sort of shared presence in the community, they might find ways to incorporate these exercises into a variety of contexts–a weekend training, small group activities, or even–in some cases–weekend services.
[/disclaim]So here’s an excerpt from an early reflection exercise
Using information gathered both from your own observations and census data, identify a list of people groups that live in your church’s surrounding community.
Then, moving through the list, pause at each group to reflect on whether the following statements are true or false as they relate to that specific tribe of people:
1. I am likely to interact with someone from this group in passing, without any discomfort.
2. I would be comfortable and likely to pursue friendship with someone from this group and maintain it, allowing our families to intermix.
3. I could actively welcome someone from this group into our church community.
4. I could learn from a person in the group or serve on a team or ministry led by him or her.
Granted, in listing groups, we never want to define humans by single descriptors, but keeping in mind the purpose of the exercise is self-reflection, I’d love to hear your thoughts on how this might work in your context.
Do you think this sort of exercise might be helpful or telling for an individual? A small group? Via break out small groups in a service? Might it expose some areas where there is need for growth? What sensitivities or barriers might come into play?
Ray Hollenbach April 15, 2013 (11:12 am)
There’s a very old joke about a socialist take-over in a small country: a farming community was ordered to go through re-education.
Teacher: If you had two farms, you would give one to the state, yes?
Farmer: Yes!
Teacher: If you had two tractors, you would give one to the state, yes?
Farmer: Yes!
Teacher: If you had two mules, you would give one to the state, yes?
Farmer: NO!
Teacher: Why not?!?
Farmer: I actually have two mules.
The point of the silly joke is that we tend to answer theoretical questions “correctly,” because the answer costs us nothing. When the life itself asks us the questions, our lived-out answers sometimes surprise even ourselves.
Sarah, please forgive this criticism, but this exercise has the appearance of a theoretical-only approach, and I would be likely to score myself very high on these questions, even if the reality was different.
Perhaps a small group could agree not to meet for one week, and instead invite someone (or some family) to their dinner table who is, shall we say, demographically different. Invite a poor family, someone of another ethnicity, or even a different faith. Then, the following week, share with one another the thoughts and feelings we each dealt with in the process, and discuss the “next steps?”
Sarah April 15, 2013 (11:52 am)
Totally get your candor, @Ray. This is just one exercise in a series that do move deeper, but you’re right, the limit of any exercise is always the motive and honesty with which we approach them. :)
danielle Williams April 15, 2013 (11:13 am)
I think this could be really helpful. I would do a couple of those ideas. One i would do a couple of classes to get explain what we were doing and to get feedback from the people. Also, i would send out weekly reminder of what we were trying to accomplish by this.
Its important to keep the people updated and to take the time to teach what is important.
Sarah April 15, 2013 (11:53 am)
Thanks @Danielle! I hope it might be a starting point for some. :)
Nate April 15, 2013 (11:46 am)
Interesting. I have to say that while I agree with Ray, his response seems a bit cynical (even for me! Haha). That said, I think on a congregational level, the exercise seems more an effort to assess people’s comfort levels. On a smaller scale, say within a missional community group or small outreach group, I think the exercise makes a lot of sense.
In our context, for example, we have a number of missional communities that form around a felt need within their surrounding area, but some groups form much like a traditional small group. We really push our groups towards mission at every point we can, so this type of exercise could be beneficial in determining where a group’s mission or service focus could lie.
I can’t see it going over too well in our congregation at large, but I can certainly see it serving a purpose within those missional community groups that have yet to determine a missional focus.
Sarah April 15, 2013 (11:55 am)
Interesting to use it partially as an assessment of comfort levels, @Nate. I am glad you said that. I’m going to make a note of that. I do think it would be challenging to do it with a congregation at large, but maybe it could be some questions posted on a social network or in a bulletin insert to reflect on during the week.
And Ray is a friend and bit of an online comedian. :) You should follow him on twitter.
Rick Nier April 15, 2013 (3:20 pm)
I would respectfully disagree with some of your dissenters, Sarah. I think, for any person or group, approaching this book and the exercises within, honesty would be something we embrace more openly than not. For example, I could answer #1 and #3 above by saying yes. Those seem, to me, to be the easier sells.
Passing by someone, or welcoming them into a part of my world, the Church, would be something I would do naturally. #2 and #4 would be more difficult because, again as I see it, they involve the more personal parts of my world.
If I’m understanding the overall purpose here, I think the best approach would be a large and small group exercise. In this instance, I would prefer to see small groups talking this over and then sharing it with a larger group. Each person’s answers are going to vary which is why we would want more overall sharing.
While we don’t wish to generalize people, this exercise would be helpful in drawing out people’s issues, with any race or group. That realization could be a very helpful key in transforming how our churches reach out and impact their communities.
Eric Haynes April 15, 2013 (7:37 pm)
There was definitely in me the same initial reaction – I’d like to “think” I’d answer correctly to those questions once I identified the different groups, but I also have to admit that it is always difficult to get out of my own comfort zones when it comes to people different than me, let alone model it well for others.
I think, for us to pull it off well, we’d start by speaking to it from the stage, then pushing down resources to our small groups with ideas on how they could move out into the community. I’d also want to have suggestions on our website for families and individuals to interact with those people groups they encounter. We have a growing Hispanic population, for example, as well as an exploding Mormon population due to a recently built temple in our area.
I wonder though, in pushing that out, if there is a danger in the describing of these groups to others, in that they then see them as a project, and somehow lesser people, that have to be evangelized to, instead of just equipping them to interact with all people, no matter their background, ethnicity, beliefs, etc. Does it add to their anxiety and discomfort? I don’t know the answer to that, just wondering.
Sarah April 16, 2013 (9:49 am)
@Rick, I appreciate your honesty. I get a little more tripped up with #4 too…but still aiming to be reflective about the bias sometimes in my heart.
@Eric, great add. I do think there’s a danger in appearing project-y with people. One way to possibly get around that would be to invite people to reflect on questions silently, without doing sharing time so that no group feels publicly pinpointed, but everyone has a chance to examine their hearts. Perhaps people could even write down their honest self-examinations anonymously. Anonymous sometimes allows for more honesty.
Cammie April 16, 2013 (1:57 pm)
I must say that my first reaction to the questions was negative. I felt it gave an us vs them feeling and could be skewed to view people as a project and commodity to acquire.
BUT after a reread of the questions, I also see that it could be a very useful tool in a smaller group setting of opening conversations and dialogues. Maybe even helping to define what your community looks like. I can see it as a training or an introduction to serving in a compassion ministry.
I am obviously conflicted and unable to make up my mind today!!!
Sarah April 17, 2013 (7:19 am)
I get it. These exercises have been received well in the congregations where they’ve been done, but people do sometimes see it that way, Cam. Pushing past some initial discomfort is part of the process. Some have told me later they think the act of being rubbed a little bit actually ended up being the moment their heart started opening… so I’m hoping the negative reactions from some will still yield good in the long run. Especially in conjunction with the other exercises and reading. :)
Todd April 17, 2013 (12:00 pm)
While I admittedly struggled with what to do in response to this (sorry, I am not great at following directions – don’t ever ask me to make something from a recipe!) I appreciate the perspective that I am gaining from the comments.
One respondent mentioned the “personal space” v. “public space” dichotomy that could be read into these points and this causes me to examine where I allow myself to draw lines. I am a young, white minister who grew up upper-middle class, I have had wonderful education opportunities and role models. If I limited my involvement church, school, hobby, etc. to folks that looked like me or had similar experiences and backgrounds, I would find life to be extremely boring.
I think the key in all 4 points is that it is about building relationships. For the past two years I have coached volleyball at urban, largely African-American schools (one a guys team, one a ladies team). I will not forget the question that one of my players asked me, “Coach, you are a white dude, why you want to spend time coaching a bunch of black girls?” – this was said with love – trust me! This was helpful in granting me perspective, if we allow all space to be the place that Christ enters in, then there is no room for personal space (e.g. home, car, etc.).
I think my personal key in this exercise is willingness to build relationships and view all space as Christ’s.
Sarah April 18, 2013 (11:36 am)
@Todd, you’re speaking my language, friend. Any exercise is only beneficial if it becomes part of a journey toward long term relationship. Thanks for saying that so personally and eloquently.:)
Amy Jones April 17, 2013 (10:51 pm)
I grew up in a while, middle class home and attended a white, middle to upper class high school, but because of my experiences with my church youth group (serving the impoverished in the Appalachian mountains for several summers) and at Spring Arbor University (mission trips and cross cultural trips to Navajo Mission, Belize/Guatemala, West Virginia, Chicago) I gained a deeper understanding and appreciation for all people. When my husband and I had our daughter, we wanted to be part of a church, live in a neighborhood, and have her attend schools where she would encounter diversity and those different from her. This had not always been easy and sometimes she has experienced prejudice as the only white girl on the basketball team, but it has built her character. Our church is very diversity, but it did not begin this way. In fact, ten years ago it would have been considered a middle to upper middle class white church with a few diverse individuals attending. But as the leadership reflected on the surrounding neighborhood (those immediately around the church), we began to reach out more to the community around us and as a result, the Body became more diverse. To work out some of the struggles this brought, diversity dialogues were started. These were originally a weekend retreat or Saturday training where dialogues with a diverse group of people (people from different ethnic, cultural, and economic backgrounds). We had reflective activities like recalling four positive or negative memory encouters with cultural or racial differnce and discussing them in small groups. We had a time of sharing where there was forgiveness expessed on the part of a race as a whole at the treatment of individuals. These dialogues were powerful and lead individuals and families to greater understanding of our differences. This was done with staff and elders, then ministry leaders, and finally offered to congregation. This I believe build the foundation for the interaction you are describing in this activity. We began to invite each other to our homes and deepen friendships. It wasn’t just saying hello at church. Now FMC celebrates Black History month with a celebration and lunch, Latinos with lunch, and has other special events to include the diverse respresentation of our congregation. I have journeyed this last year with my friend, Sandra through breast cancer. She is my sister and I love her deeply. I have seen her at her worst and she has seen me at mine. The color of our skin does not matter because we both worship the same God and bleed the same blood.
Sarah April 18, 2013 (11:37 am)
This is an incredible story, @Amy. I’ll have to interview you in the future. And this Chicago trip at SAU you speak of? Sounds fabulous. ;)
Doug Bradshaw April 18, 2013 (10:44 am)
This is great stuff. One of the issues the church faces is really knowing who lives in our community. As people connect to the church they naturally begin the process of withdrawing from their community and engaging the church. There are wonderful things that happen in this transitions such as fellowship with like minded people and a sense of belonging … . However, at the same time there is a moving away from the people who need the church.
It is not my idea, but I feel it is true, that people are striving to believe, belong and become the person they were made to be. In the context of the church this is in play all the time. So if we know this about all people how can we withdraw from the. Learning about who is in our community and how they think and what they think is important helps the church to fulfill the great commission. What if the people of the church are the bridge to helping the people of our communities discover what they can believe, how they belong and what God wants them to become? Any exercise that helps the church reach its community/world is great in my book.
The questions in the exercise, as I see them, are ways to help people interact with those outside the church and to encourage them to do so. I think this is the training responsibility of the church. I don’t think there is an “inappropriate” place or group for these things to be discussed. I realize not all personalities are comfortable interacting with those outside the church but that should not stop us from equipping everyone to do so.
This exercise for me is “spot-on”!
Sarah April 18, 2013 (12:09 pm)
Doug, thanks for your thoughtful response here. I am glad you see the exercise as possibly fitting, under the right circumstance, in a wide variety of settings. I want to believe that we can pursue better relationships with our communities as wholes both as individuals and as a shared group of believers.
Angela April 19, 2013 (11:59 am)
Wow…what a great exercise this week. I think it would be great to do and very telling, convicting. I think we all have, whether known or unknown, prejudices. Maybe we say we don’t. I’m a very anxious person. For me, it’s hard for me to connect with the people that aren’t so open. I’ve never not opened my family to knowing someone, but not without reservations. It happens at work too. If I know beforehand that someone has a quality that I don’t like, that I’m likely to get yelled at for doing my job, etc., I just tend to back away. Definitely something I’d like to change.
At the same rate, I want to teach my kids differently. I want them love everyone equally, so I try to change myself.
We have an incredibly diverse church. Young, old, white, black, homeless, recovering drug users…it’s amazing.
Sarah April 19, 2013 (12:01 pm)
@Angela, so glad this connected with you. Thanks for weighing in.
Hilary April 19, 2013 (12:19 pm)
We are a predominately white, middle/upper middle class congregation in a predominately white, middle/upper middle class inner ring suburban neighborhood. We sometimes feel terribly guilty about that. ;-)
However – as I’ve written before, there is a deep commitment to social justice in our congregation, and we do try to reach out and make an effort to be inclusive. To that end, we’ve tried a couple of things:
We had an interfaith dinner and discussion with a Jewish synagogue and Muslim mosque. It was a nice evening – the leaders of each community spoke and talked with each other and the audience and then we all shared a meal together. It was all very nice and civilized and nobody got too far out of their comfort zones, but you have to start somewhere – right?
We are also fortunate to have a medium sized university on one side of us and a theological seminary on the other. Both have a big variety of students of all ages and stages – as well as a large international contingent. We try to get involved with all kinds of activities with both of them.
But speaking of comfort zones – and in the category of sometimes the little things make all the difference – we once had a bunch of food leftover from some church event. Next thing I knew, they are loading it up into a car to take to a downtown homeless shelter. Now this is just me, but I never would have thought of doing that. But it was just second nature to these members of my church. But it make a mark on me – there have been at least two times since that that I have been in charge where there is leftover food – and while I admit it still does make me a bit uncomfortable – I have taken to that same homeless shelter.
Krista April 19, 2013 (3:48 pm)
In what, if any, context could this exercise be used in your church or other churches you know about?
This exercise would be fantastic for our church congregation! I think it would be difficult to get a quantifiable answer, partially because I think there is a large portion of people that do no actually have any contact with people that are so totally different that they would feel uncomfortable. However, I think this would spark a great deal of conversation, and open the eyes of a lot of people… Plus, it would cause some real vulnerable reviewing of the heart.
Would it need to be a Saturday training or seminar of some sort?
I would absolutely want this to be either a Saturday training or a semester class, because I think that while it would be awesome to point out the issue or potential issue, it will take some actual training in order to give people the tools they would need to feel comfortable in these types of situations.
Would it be a comfortable topic for an adult faith group or small group?
I think the comfort level of this topic would entirely depend on the group leader. Some could make this a truly engaging and enriching learning process, while others could easily make it a guilt trip about yet more ways you have failed as a “good christian.”
Would it work as a list of questions to take home in the bulletin?
I think this would work for some people, especially those who need a chance to think and process, however, there would need to be additional follow-up for it to truly be effective.
In a weekend or mid-week service or meeting?
For our particular format it would best be tackled on a Saturday seminar style or in a small group setting that meets at some point throughout the week for a semester.
~K
Wes April 20, 2013 (1:58 pm)
Okay–regarding implementation, I think most of your suggestions are very good, and you basically answered your own question. My specific fellowship now (the military school chapel) wouldn’t find much use for this exercise, because, generally, when the students “step out”, it seems to be more of larger, bamfoodle-ing (just invented that), life-changing trips to NYC or things like that. Some students also tutor at local schools, but, as far as I know, that’s not church-related.
Now, the previous, Floridian mega-church I went to has, most likely, done things very similar to what your suggesting. For me, this exercise didn’t even get as far as the questions before I was thinking. You started off saying “from your census data,” and I think that’s a HUGE step that some of the churches I went to hadn’t ever done. They think more in terms of “What do we want to do/what can we do for God?” as opposed to “What are the needs in the specific vicinity of this church building???”
One idea I have is to somehow make mention of this to the whole church body, including newcomers, so that everyone knows that it’s going on. However, it also looks to me like those who are most likely to pursue this exercise need to have a deeper level of commitment–to actually *doing* it.
Benji April 21, 2013 (11:18 am)
I think that this exercise could be very helpful, but I am just not sure how the questions could be distributed in a sensitive manner. My reaction along with others was not a “jump for joy, this is an awesome exercise” response only because of the tension of us vs. them.
That being said, I believe that the key leaders of our church staff know the needs/demographic groups in our surrounding area, but that doesn’t always translate to the general public of our church. Doing an exercise like this as part of the exercise you had for us last week could be a real excellent way to move the information on a larger scale, otherwise I would say small groups settings are best for questions like these.
Rachel April 21, 2013 (4:10 pm)
As someone who has been judged and ignored by some in the church, I believe that I would be a lot more open to accept those who are different. I would even be willing to learn from these people, and serve alongside of them; however, this is not the case for everyone.
Unless you have been judged within the church walls, or in some way been touched by this issue, it is easy to shy away (especially from the possibility of letting your families intermix with someone who is different). Of course, this is not true for everyone, but is a general conclusion from the local church in my community. I think this would be appropriate to discuss in a leadership seminar, with other staff and volunteers at my church. This would hopefully uncover any issues within the leadership. This would also provide my church with a starting point in discovering how to implement this exercise within the congregation.
Melinda April 21, 2013 (10:27 pm)
I am not so sure about this exercise. Maybe a small group setting would be best??? Maybe it is because of my profession, but I think I am pretty accepting of people from all walks of life. It is expected that you can’t discriminate against sex, religion, gender etc. So welcoming people from all walks doesn’t seem that big of deal to me. It is just part of the journey. Maybe I just am not following this exercise???
My church is open to people from all walks. We even had an ad that ran…MSU Fan, Michigan fan, Republican or Democrat…(and a whole list of other opposites) we are an accepting Church for God, for people, for change! Sorry. Don’t feel like I helped to well this week:(
Teresa B Pasquale April 22, 2013 (9:55 am)
Great excercise to exorcise people’s unseen ideas, stereotypes, and prejudices about certain groups of people (although, of course, we can’t over-generalize the groups when putting them into those group categories–catch 22…but I think in how people might identify would be a telling place to start discussion too–that may just be the therapist and social analyst in me though :).
In terms of my church locally and larger the context of my macro-church regionally I think there are a few groups this might be useful to discuss in this fashion and delve into to see less one dimensionally: young adults (still hate the term but technically per the church demographics 18-40), regional minority groups (haitians and latinos primarily), and people in addiction recovery.
I think they are communities locally and regionally which we are called to serve, I think some are more comfortable than others understanding these populations, but if we could reach out well all could be a meaningful part of the community–whether religiously at all or not, just as parts of shared space and place…which I think your exercises have been great to point out…this doesn’t need to be a mass mission of conversion only of kind action with and through and in the communities we live in.
The Franciscan way: preach loudly, use words only when necessary.
Becky April 22, 2013 (11:39 am)
My initial reaction to this exercise was skepticism, but the more that I thought about it, I realized that it would really be useful in small group settings. I agree with one of the other comments about it being possibly used in the larger congregation to gauge readiness for more interaction with different cultural groups. Being in the field I am in for my regular job, this is something I do everyday and often without thinking about it, but I am more than aware that the church as a whole needs to learn to cross cultural lines. This is a great way to work with smaller groups.
Sarah Cunningham April 22, 2013 (12:21 pm)
@Hilary, yours is a very practical example to get our minds around. Thanks for sharing.
@Krista Love the idea of a semester class!
@Wes – that’s crazy to think that not every church might even be aware of the demographics in their city. :) I think there’s more to expand on there. Good emphasis.
@Benji, I agree about sensitivity. It’s always tricky…
@Rachel I’m sorry that happened to you. It sounds like you have a unique openness to others as a result tho…
@Melinda No apologies needed. It sounds like you have awareness and a heart to create a place for all people beyond what (unfortunately) some churches yet experience.
@Teresa Agreed. It’s so hard to think about groups of people that we need to be more intentional toward or work toward reconciliation with, without in some way speaking insensitively about them. I think wading through the uncomfortableness and learning to speak and listen well are part of the journey…
@Becky, you’re right. I think the appropriate use for this exercise largely depends on the congregation’s readiness. Some would be ready to engage this at different levels. Others may just present the book to their leaders and ask them to work through it individually…